Filing for Financial Timeancial Bankruptcy

This has been a summer, a year really, of crisis for me. This is a good thing, it turns out, since as I've said before, finding truth usually begins with a crisis.

I've been carrying huge amounts of baggage without fully knowing it. Basically I've allowed all sorts of physical things ("stuff") and all sorts of goals and promises to pile up so high as to become completely unmanageable. I really knew something was wrong this summer when I was finding I didn't have time to go sailing... even the urge to go sailing wasn't there so much. This is a clear sign that something is wrong! The problem, I've realized, isn't that I've lost interest in sailing but that I've been stressed about a lot of things and taking time out to sail or do anything fun adds to that stress. Until the last month or two I thought my problem was just that I needed better time management. This was pretty depressing, frankly, because I wasn't sure I could do it. A month or two ago, I discovered what now seems obvious: just get rid of all the stuff! (duh). So I'm rolling up my sleeves for some serious spring cleaning.

I've realized that part of my problem is rooted in wanting to save up treasures on earth. In my case, the "treasures" seem to consist mostly of "things I want to do before I die". I've never been very interested in the accumulation of things that impress other people, and so I've assumed I am not materialistic. It turns out that materialism has many forms. So why am I so worried about getting stuff done before I die? I suppose it must be that I don't believe that being with God (in heaven) actually is better than being here. I'm not trusting God. Now that I've realized this, the thought of giving up a lot of earthly things for the sake of the kingdom, something that I would have been very reluctant to do a year ago, now seems not only necessary, but exciting.

I started by putting together a list of all the stuff that needs to, well, get off the list. Not all is stuff that I can just drop... it does need to be taken care of.

Wanna hear some of the things I've had on my plate?

Full time work

Part time school (trying to finish up a long-elusive bachelor's degree), with a 2-hour-round-trip drive several times per week

Playing organ in church, and maintaining the organ

Assistant home fellowship group leader in church

Facilities manager of a UVM fraternity house

Promised renovations to said fraternity house, before an inspection (only 3 days left, yikes!)

Part time "odd jobs" for side income

Part time pipe organ repair for side income

A pile of items to sell on ebay

A small rowboat I'm supposed to repair for someone

The "guts" of an upright piano action I promised to repair for someone

An antique practice organ at my parent's house, all taken apart to restore "someday"

Two old VW Vanagons at my parent's house, one to fix "someday" and one for parts

A promise to a friend to help fix his trailer, do some yard work, and some renovations to his house.


This is a very partial list, but you get the idea. No wonder I am failing at everything!

I'm happy to say that this list is already much shorter. A few things were just dropped completely, others just have to be finished, and I'm getting there. Unfortunately, this mistake I made has nearly cost me a summer, and in Vermont, summers are very precious. I've learned that in these parts, one's whole year must revolve around the summer. You've gotta have your ducks in a row before it comes, or you could miss it, as I am (partially) doing this year. But at least now I know my problem, have a plan to get out of it, and I'm excited about it.

So, once I get the above list whittled away, I have a one-year plan, woo-hoo! My one-year plan is as follows:

Excel at work (since I have a great job right now, school may be on hold for this year anyway)

Excel at being a home fellowship group assistant leader in church

Excel at playing the organ at church

Be in a position to buy a house after a year (I put this last because it is the most "negotiable" of the four).


Notice I'm not counting summer activities here, like sailing or camping. Summer is another story. It will be set aside to some degree, for summeresque activities.

My life plan? That's still in the works, but I think this year will help me figure that out.

Your prayers in this matter would be greatly appreciated. That I stay focused on the things that are eternal, not on things that pass away. I am not saying that excelling at work or playing the organ or buying a house have much to do with eternity (though anything can, indirectly), but that focusing on what is eternal allows me to let go of extra "things I want to accomplish before I die", that are holding me back from running the race set before me.